Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
