38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
