Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
