haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
