Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
