I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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