I skipped work to stalk him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
