Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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