Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
