We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
