For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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