we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
