If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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