Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
