i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
