you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
