in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
