My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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