can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
