I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
