I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
