White coat. Heels.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
