You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
