would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
