My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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