We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
