Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
