recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
