The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We are all done wearing pants today
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