Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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