The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
