ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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