i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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