He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
