someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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