and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she smelled like a LAN party
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
