I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
