I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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