It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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