I'm gonna have a badass scar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
