he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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