Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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