Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
