Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
