I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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