I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
