That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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