I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
