Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
