is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
