I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
