He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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