Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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