Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
