$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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