I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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