8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
