Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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