dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
