over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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