my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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