Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
