dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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