And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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